I am no longer a Christian
It happened last night.
Faith left me, slipped between my fingers like sand.
I felt my heart fall like a rock, felt my soul vaporate in the pure light of unfaith, shredding in the despirited wind.
I was not a true Christian.
I doubted too many things.
I did not pull the party line, did not agree that their was as one true church or faith. I dared to belive that God was bigger than our vocabulary, dared to say I was an Atheist Christian: That which we named as God could not possibly exist – how can we define God – and that the object of our faith was not in vain.
I dared to say I was not a theist, that I did not belive God was a man shaed being seperate from creation. Like the biblical witness I belive that God is both immanent and transcendent, the spirit fills all of creation.
In the end, then, maybe we need something new. We need a new way of beliving. I dare not say a postmodern, a liberal, a conservative or traditional way. What we need is to stop being Christian!
Christians are the ‘one true way’.
Christians can contain God in neat rituals, fun dogmatics and interesting mind games.
This, of course, is heresy.
I am not a Christian.
I am a Jesusian.
I am just a guy on the way, marking my path slowly as I journey. I am just a guy, in love with the story of God. I am just a guy who does not belie in all of the bible, a theist God or that Jesus was God. I am a guy who belives, lord help my unbelife. I am a guy who feels the call of the spirit into deeper and deeper mystery, away from the asnweres, away from the traditions when they cease to function as a wild poetry.
I am not a Christian, but I am a friend of Jesus!
